His idea of a practical joke

Some people leave a mark on this world. You will probably leave a stain!
A girl phoned me the other day and said … Come on over, there’s nobody home.I went over. Nobody was home
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap 8 people at once!
Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don’t you make sure the pool has water in next time.
After meeting you, I have decided I am in favour of abortion!
Why is a bachelor skinny and a married man fat? -The Bachelor comes home, takes one look at what’s in the refrigerator, and goes to bed. -The Married man comes home, takes one look at what’s in the bed and goes to refrigerator