Doubt you are my good friend

I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly!
Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
If I need a brain transplantation I will prefer your brain. Don’t think you are a genious. I just wanted a brain which is never been used before!
After meeting you, I have decided I am in favour of abortion!
I am sorry, what language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit!
Sorry I didn’t text you back; Because my phone recognized your number!