I had love to ask

Let it be very clear to you – the only asshole I want in my life is the one that I sit on!
After meeting you, I have decided I am in favour of abortion!
This message is strictly for cute and charming people only. . . Since you accidentally received it, We deeply apologize for inconvenience due to the technical error!
Don’t Worry – that you tried to be Einstein and Failed . . . . . If Einstein had tried to be you, he had have failed, too!
I have taken up photography because it’s the only hobby where I can shoot people and cut their heads off without going to jail!
I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.